8/29/09

Parenting is the Hardest Job there is in this whole wide word!!


One of my twins has decided that he wants to move out in less than a month to live with his girlfriend. He will be 18 on September 21. His girlfriends mother has convinced him that this is the best for him because, evidently we don't treat him right! We love his twin brother, sister and younger brother more than him. We aren't perfect parents by any means but we do love our children.

I am going through so much with him that I thought I had lost my salvation two weeks ago. I turned my back on God and said things to Him I never thought I would ever say! My hope was gone and my faith was fleeting fast! I have never felt so alone in my life. I wanted to rip the mother into half and pour her blood all over her front yard! How dare her try to take my child away.

I know your wondering how I got to this point and how it got so dark for me. I just want to finish raising my sons. I have raised them to fear God and love Him. To respect us and love us. To be in church and use their gifts for God's glory. We've raised them with goals and hope for their futures. I have been waiting for the day they would graduate and leave home with a job, ready to start collage, a good place to live with goals in hand. I was loosing my way because everything was falling apart before my eyes. SC state law says that when they turn 18 our parental rights are gone even if they are in their last year of school. I had allowed these things to throw me into a very dark pit and I needed help. I started to read Psalms and found this verse:
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Let not the flood water overflow me,Nor let the deep swallow me up; And let not the pit shut its mouth on me. Psalm 69:15
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I needed God to save me! I needed His forgiveness. I needed to hear his voice. David came to God with fear and trembling much like me when I realized the things I had allowed myself to say to God. But God heard his cries and I know he has heard mine. I felt just like David. I felt the flood waters rising and ready to over flow me. I have a fear of drowning. I don't usefully tell this but I do. I have even had dreams that my children and I got caught in the underwater tunnel in Norfolk Va (while we were stationed there) and started drowning because I couldn't get us out of the car! Talk about a night mare. But now, because of my words and heart I was completely alone.

I didn't realize how much God fills my day until I walked away from him! I needed His mercies!!

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Hear me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good; Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies. And do not hide Your face from Your servant,
For I am in trouble; Hear me speedily. Draw near to my soul, and redeem it; Deliver me because of my enemies.
Psalms 69:16-18
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His Mercies made me whole once again. I do not have to fear and condemnation does not come from God. It comes from hell. The place satan desires me to be. I will not let him have my children nor will I allow him to have me! Enough is enough! I decide to rest in Gods promise; Raise up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it, and pray!

With everything I have been through in my life time I now realize that God IS Jealous for me! Jesus dieing on the cross for me should be enough but even after this He still pursues me. The battle has been waged against me but God fights satan and hell for me. For Me!! I can not comprehend the magnitude of His love for me.

Listen to this song and let God's love permeate your soul! We all need to know how much God loves us! The words of this song have changed my life! Oh How He Loves Us SO! Kim Walker, Jesus Culture




2 comments:

SALT Ministry said...

wow I had not Idea your Heart was in the Fix, I dont blame you though, but I think you have handled the situation with Grace and Humility. Remember to Pray for Him, the Daughter and the Mother, you obviously now this women must be a nonbeliever and therefore does deserve our judge-ment but our Prayers' The Power of a Prayer Mother! Pray on Sister Pray On! God will bless you for your Honesty!

Love ya
Leanne

Shay said...

he IS jealous for me...his love's like a hurricane and i am a tree..
praying for you cherie...i know this is a hard time.

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